“But it wasn’t that bad”: Big T & Little T Traumas

“I should just get over it. It wasn’t that bad. Other people have it worse.”

Does this sound familiar to you? I have heard it over and over again from people coming to me for therapy. People shame themselves for the pain they’re experiencing because they don’t think it’s “bad enough.” Many people don’t identify with the word “trauma,” thinking of it as a word used for people who have been to war or suffered physical abuse.

The DSM 5, the book which mental health professionals refer to when making a diagnosis, does state that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) requires that the person being diagnosed “was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence.” This is a narrow definition of trauma for a specific diagnosis. It does not capture all of what trauma can be.

There are “Big T” traumas or “Little T” traumas. “Big T” traumas include those required for a PTSD diagnosis. These are what people often think of as trauma. If a person hasn’t experienced one of these “Big T” traumas, they may think that they have never experienced anything that could be considered trauma. In my experience, that is often not the case.

Enter the “Little t” traumas. Essentially, “Little t” traumas are any events that are very upsetting and impact the individual, but do not fall into the “Big T” category. Some examples of “little t” traumas include emotional abuse, the end of an important relationship, problems with money, and legal problems. Experiencing any one of these things does not necessarily mean you were traumatized; what is very upsetting to one person may not be to another. If something very upsetting happened to you and impacted your life, however, that may have been a traumatic event.

Trauma therapy does not distinguish between “Big T” and “little t” traumas. All trauma is trauma, and the trauma can be treated. Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) is an example of trauma therapy backed by scientific research.

EMDR uses something called “bilateral stimulation” or “dual attention stimulation” to help the brain work through the upsetting experience. EMDR is named for one type of bilateral stimulation: eye movement. If someone is using eye movement for bilateral stimulation, they look from left to right and back again without moving their head. There are also ways to do bilateral stimulation using audio or touch. There is some talking with the therapist to call the memory to mind when working through the trauma, but the individual never has to describe what happened. EMDR is used in a wide variety of other ways, as well. These include treating addiction, performance enhancement, assisting those suffering with chronic pain, and more.

Regardless of what happened, you can have and deserve help with anything still affecting you today. If it happened a day ago, a year ago, a decade ago. If it’s a “Big T” or “little t".” If someone else wasn’t upset by it and you were. No trauma is too big or too small for therapy. The wound can be treated, and you can heal.