What is Masking? What is Unmasking?
A selection from the “ADHD & Autism Un-masking Workbook” by Emily Oliver, LCSW
Hey! I'm so glad you're here.
Intellectually, we might know the benefits of unmasking, but it can be SO HARD and SO SCARY to work toward that in concrete ways.
Why?
Because we have had experiences that have taught us that masking is safer. It has gained us approval, affection, or safety when it otherwise might have been withheld.
According to Devon Price, the author of Unmasking Autism and Laziness Does Not Exist, masking is defined as, "when an autistic person or neurodivergent person consciously, or subconsciously seeks to hide or minimize their autism or neurodivergent traits to fit in with the neurotypical world."
Masking is very personal and individual, and often tied to shame.
Common examples of autistic and ADHD masking:
Holding eye contact even when it's physically uncomfortable.
Hiding your passion and enthusiasm
Staying in a situation that overwhelms your senses and makes you feel exhausted
Trying to hide difficult emotions
Avoiding stimming in public
Not talking about your needs in order to avoid inconveniencing someone or being judged/rejected
Not asking for help with something due to shame about it being difficult
Unmasking is vulnerable work, and often involves digging through layers of shame and trauma. Here's a question: Why even do it?
*Tough love coming your way!
Well, masking has consequences, too. Constantly masking your authentic self isn't really sustainable, as it comes at a steep price.
At its core, masking sets us up as trying to meet the expectation of "passing" as neurotypical, which is not only draining, but also generates feelings of shame, inadequacy, non-belonging, and not being valued.
It’s not a far stretch to imagine that we could be using some pretty damaging coping strategies to deal with these feelings. This puts us at greater risk for things like addictive behavior, isolation, disordered eating, or dissociation. Long-term, it can also lead to crashing and burnout.
Simply put, you deserve so much more.
In order to have meaningful conversations about masking, we need to acknowledge that masking and all that comes with it is basically a requirement of and often a reflection of an ableist society and internalized ableism.
Essentially, in this context, we are talking about the concept that neurotypical brains, or non-disabled people, are superior and often seen as the default, and that we should be striving to be less neurodivergent because anything other than neurotypical is problematic. Lovely, right?
When we have internalized ableism, we have started to believe this, too. Take a second, take a breath. Notice what this brings up in you.
Read more, learn, and unmask alongside Emily by continuing the “ADHD & Autism Un-masking Workbook.”